Why do I have to be so damned schizophrenic about what I want?
It’s not just wanting what I don’t have, nor is it just undecidedness. It is as if I lived in a world that’s turning twice as fast as it should, or conversely as if I had only half the time and half the attention span I want.
But it’s not solely that either; it’s more like completely different people fighting over who should be in control of my life, my spare time and my decisions. I feel perfectly portrayed by Seinfeld’s “Day Guy, Night Guy” skit, even on more important matters than when to call it a day.
JERRY: I never get enough sleep. I stay up late at night, cause I’m Night Guy. Night Guy wants to stay up late. ‘What about getting up after five hours sleep?’, oh that’s Morning Guy’s problem. That’s not my problem, I’m Night Guy. I stay up as late as I want.
So you get up in the morning, you’re exhausted, groggy, oooh I hate that Night Guy!
See, Night Guy always screws Morning Guy. There’s nothing Morning Guy can do. The only Morning Guy can do is try and oversleep often enough so that Day Guy looses his job and Night Guy has no money to go out anymore.
There’s ambitious guy, day guy and night guy, lazy, euphoric, depressed, programmer, party, loner, friend, selfish, idiot, social guy and hundreds of other guys that take turns in leading my life.
No idea if that’s normal, I’d just love to turn it all off and live more in the now, being in that state right then instead of managing all those guys, figuring out who’s turn it is next.